Finally

One of the guys from N'Sync finally came out of the closet. Good job Lance... all I can hope for is that the closet was where you kept the microphone.

New camera

I ordered a camera online at the beginning of the week (because it was on sale) and got it today. Which is cause enough for happiness. However it is not the camera I originally ordered. I got upgraded a little bit (more memory, better zoom) as they were out of the one I wanted.

To make it up to me (besides the upgrade) They also decided to include a cd with my order. Now, normally if I get a new cd I'm a bit giddy, with mild lapses into pure bliss. However these guys sent me Dave Matthews Band's "Everyday".

At least it wasn't Justin Timberlake. Although he's only annoyed me since like 200, where DMB has been annoying me since the mid 90's.

Murder! Rape! Parking!

Yesterday I went to interview with a potential roommate to see if we would get along and stuff. Which is fine, I made the 4 hour trip out there, and he corrected my mapquest directions as those would have taken me an extra 1-2 hours to get there. So i get close, I'm cruising around, checking out the neighborhood, Call him again to get more specific directions, get there and start looking for a parking spot. Around the block, nothing. Around the next block, nothing. There's a car behind me, so I try turning in a difernt direction, still nothing. Then as I get onto a 2 way road with barely enough room for someone to go around me, the car behind me turns on their "We're the police" lights.

Apparently in chicago looking for a parking space is considered suspicious activity. So they had ran my brand new (just got 'em yesterday) plates through the system and came up empty. So obviously the car is stolen. All because in Illinois computers take their time to register certain facts.

I hand them my brand new Illinois receipt for my brand new illinois plates and insurance, and my old license. Still wondering why they would think anybody would steal a 1996 buick Lesabre with a leaky gas tank and in need of some pretty heavy body work. So they're grilling me about why I'm in the area, and since I don't know the guys exact address, I can't give it to them when they ask where I'm going. So they grill me to see why I'm in town, they grill me to see if the car is stolen, they grill me to see if I'm dealing. (I wanted to ask them if I was dealing, why would I drive a POS like this?) Then instead of saying anything about how they were sorry for taking up my time, pulling me over, etc. They just walk back to their car and turn off the lights. Leaving me to assume they were done with me, but not explicitly telling me that they were, or that my plates checked out ok, or even to "Have a good night".

SO I got to the interview a little later than I had hoped, but took the 10 cent tour and instantly loved the apt. It seemed to go well, and after living in this armpit of homogeniosity (if that's a word) the neighborhood seems to be what I'm looking for. In the building I'll hopefully be living in, almost every couple is either gay or interracial. Within walking distance I found three bars of each of the main types. Irish, sports, gay, dance club, serious drinker, and bar/restaurant.

The building is really quiet, which will probably make me a little nuts, but I'm planning on being there as little as possible since I need to find work etc.

I really hope I get this apt. He has two more interviews to do, and I'll know for certain on saturday night. But unless he was just getting my hopes up.. he hasn't been impressed with any of the other candidates so far and my chances are good.

Macomb: proof Darwin was wrong.

I'm spoiled, I admit it. I didn't realize what a bastion of civilization I lived in while i was in NY. I have learned that the things I thought were normal and Standard operating procedure are in fact luxuries.

For example:

If you advertise a specific product line, and are listed as a dealer on the companies website, I have been led to believe that you actually carried the product line.

If a customer places an order for delivery, I have come to expect it to be delivered.

I really don't know how I managed to live this long with these erronous beliefs. Why didn't anybody tell me?

New one

Out of all of the offers to extend my penis, increase my bust, make it harder, firmer, more supple, let me lose weight with no effort, sell me knockoff rolexes, reunite me with the people I didn't like in high school, and refinance my non-existant mortgage I finally got a piece of spam worth sharing.

Discount rolodex.

Which if it's a typo is pretty funny in and of itself. But if it isn't. Does anybody out there with a computer still need a rolodex? Or are they just hoping that somebody will please take 46,884 cases of this piece of 1958 technology off their hands for a buck fifty plus shipping?

Response I got to an "Apartment wanted" posting

Hello , I am writing just to confirm if you still have the room or an apartment for rent..............If YES Please I will like to have answers to the following questions below: 1) I will like to have the description of the room, size, and the equipments in there. 2) I will like to have the rent fee per month plus the utilities. 3) Also I will like to know if there is any garage or parking space cos I will have my own car come over. 4) I will also be coming with some of my furniture, that is if the room is not funished and if furnitures are allowed, like bed, book shelf cos I read alot, shoe rank etc 5) I will also like to know if I can make an advance payment ahead my arrival
that will be stand as a kind of commitment that I am truely
coming over and for you to hold the room down for me. 6) If the #5 questions is YES, I will like to know the total cost for the my initial move as in first month rent and if you accept deposit. 7) I will like to know the major intersection nearest your neighborhood. like shopping mall, bus line e.t.c 8) Lastly, I will like to know more about you and also I will like to have your pics as for me to know how my roommate to be looks like. 9]payment mode. I will be very glad to have all this questions answered with out leaving a stone unturned... Here is all I can say about my self for now.I am 25 years old female and I work full time,, Monday through Friday and have weekends off exept for once a month. I was born in Tucson Arizona, but I was brought up in africa I moved to 23 years ago after the death of my father, one of my cousin who live and work in africa took me there for my studies since my mother cannot take care of me after my father's demise.I work in a fashion home as
a designer director.I am not really a sports person,, BUT I do love Hockey Games. I am a VERY out going person and fun to be with. I do play the organ and piano,, and I do have BOTH piano and organ here at my house.I am not a drinker and I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. I think you will like living here and YES I would like to go out with you on weekends and weeknights when we are both free. I like going to movies,, concerts ,, plays,,I like camping, hiking, bike ridding, swimming, and I love to travel. I am a very dedicated individual who is totally committed to human development...........................................
How Was Ur Day Today . Thank Too E MAIL Back Pleass Are Will Need Ur FOMATION Too Send The CHECK To U Over There Name ...Address... City....Country.... Zip Code......State..... Thank for ur Company Okay ....Thank For Ur Undarstand..

Killing time

Waiting to hear beack from my landlord about paint colors, waiting for it to stop raining so I can paint, waiting to hear from new prospective landlord about if I got the apt. Really nice looking place fully furnished , close to the water, only 8 miles from second city. Most I've been looking at are 12-24 miles so classes won't be too hard to get to if I end up not having a car. I need the exercise, so buying a new bike might help with that. Provided I can keep myself from jumping in my car anyway. Part of me wants to get rid of the car completely to save on gas and insurance, but part of me realizes that I might need it for work.

Just over a week and I'm homeless unless I can get the people I"m waiting for to get their shit together and pick out a damn color so I can finally get to work.

Target

It's official, I am a targeted marketing demographic. Even though I really don't have any disposable income, ads are being targeted at me.

They replaced the bunny with a pop star.. I couldn't help it. I had to shoot her. I know, I was weak, and I've got to work to get back my "disaffected by media" status, but damnit it was fun..

Now i just want to setup one of those little shooting galleries at an amusement park or carnival. The ones where there's a big room and you shoot the little light rifles at the targets and they go "ding" when you hit them. BUt instead I'll use real BB guns and replacable paper figures so you can have the joy of blowing off Britney Spears head or putting your little Round copper ball where every bronzed ball in hollywood has gone before you on a Full size cutout of Christina Agulara. I'll have indie kids, country fans and every Dad who had been forced to listen on the drive there lined up to give me their 2 bucks.

Although I think getting their permission and licensing might be a bit of a pain.

Dealing with the stupidnatural.

While conversing with the denizens of the underworld yesterday I asked them what was their greatest accomplishment.

Their answer: Computerized calling systems.

Off

No Cable for Kris. Because oif being out of state I haven't recieved my last cable bill. It's getting shut off tomorrow because the lady at the office wouldn't work with me to get payment when I could pay it. Because of their inflexibility they lost a customer.

Because of this, I get to feel self righteous and morally superior for not paying my bill on time. Woo hoo... it's not like anything else has gone right in the past month.

And continuing that trend. Some weird guy with an anti-dvd fetish has apparently decided to break into my apartment and break my dvd player. If I ever find that guy I'm gonna make him give back the 30 bucks I paid for the thing. Bastard.

post

No good news. Sick of complaining. Go read a book.

From bad to worse

What? I can't hear you.. Speak up. Goddamn it, What do you want.

All things I have been saying a lot recently as, on top of the rest of the fun times I've had being back here in N.Y., I have an ear infection. That's right, the bane of 8 year olds everywhere. So I have no money, am 1000 miles away from my own bed, and it feels like I've been tied down and someone is force feeding my left ear a steady diet of Yoko Ono's rejected tracks as performed by one of the Simpson girls. (which is much worse than the "ice pick" analogy.

I don't normally take aspirin, ibuprofin, or any other pain killers. It is so seldom that I get headaches that I find it easier to massage my temples, close my eyes and do a couple minutes of meditation than to keep an unexpired bottle of Advil in my medicinal war chest. Between yesterday and the day before I went through a bottle and a half of generic ibuprofin and advil. The recommended maximum dose is 6 in one day. This did not kill the pain as their advertising had suggested it would. All it did was dull the sharp aforementioned pain to an almost bearable level. (Unpublished Carly Simon sung by a Shakira tribute band)

I have learned and relearned a few things over the past couple days. including the following: When Upset or stressed my grandmothers voice becomes nasal and buzz saw like, tearing through the ball of cotton in my ear straight into my skull. Fast paced video games are a lot less fun while hopped up on advil... sample text from my experiments would read: "Kris enters battlefield. Kris has been bludgeoned to death by a quadraplegic with a spoon". I would then curse at the screen because he came out of nowhere. My brother drove me home and I remembered how small he is for a 17 year old when I spent over a minute waiting for the power seats in my car to move all the way back so my legs weren't under my chin. I get really shaky when I have a lot of painkillers in me.

I used to get ear infections all the time as a kid, and I enjoyed them.. I got to stay home, read, and the little pink pills didn't actually taste bad for medicine. But if going back to that simnple time means putting up with more of these.. count me out.