Removing the fuzzy

One of the saying from my college days for when something went wrong that has stuck with me is "I'm a little fuzzy on the good/ bad thing here.. but I'm going to go with bad". So I am here to establish the good/bad status of my recent past.

GF Not making it upstate to see me: Bad
Car not having brakes: Bad
G-mas cooking: Good
Little brother having a cute girlfriend that makes him happy: Good
The beer Jason bought me: Good
The women Jason finds attractive: Bad
Not recieving any of my forwarded mail: bad
Not having money 1000 miles away from your own bed: Bad
New AFI album: Good
Having to spend 3 hours checking e-mail because of moms slow dial up connection: Bad
Having to remove 400+ pieces of spyware in order to check e-mail: Bad
Not knowing when or how I can get back to my own bed: Bad.
Brothers graduation party: Good, but dull

Hell is my car

Yesterdays drive home was eventful.
I left home for the friendly face of the ATm so I could empty it and begin the trek to NY.
Unfortunately, because I had paid all of Junes bill and had yet to recieve june's first unemployment check I had 11.05 in my account.
So I did what all true Amreican males do when there is a problem.

I called g-ma. With her super cape a fluttering she leapt into action wiring me 500 big ones. At cost of 20 dollars on each end I might add. She was assured that I would have the money instantly and would be able to start home.

My bank however disagreed and sent me on the way with a condescending smile and "sorry we can't help you yet, the computer will update later tonight."

Bastards.

So I did something I had once promised myself I would never do. I intentionally wrote a bad check. i have overdraft protection up to 300 bucks so the gas station will never know that it's bad. then I headed to wal-mart. bought a mountain dew and another 100 bucks cash back.

I started out, and after being 1 1/2 hours late for my class, I left chicago with no brakes. But i have made it safely to NY.

I still think the brakes went because the car was pointed east and was afraid I might stop and turn around.

bed

Beds are good. I should be there now.

I'm not sure when Ill be able to update again since I'm hoping I have enough money in my checking account to go home tomorrow. Damn high fuel costs. Although it is still cheaper to drive than take public transit.

Oh, and I saw a story today about the bigwigs at oil companies defending their profits by saying that many european countries have much higher gas prices at the pump. Which it tue unless you remove the taxes collected from the equation. Then the margin is much much less.

Although I do have to wonder if they are running a campain to try and make people confuse the terms Gross income and profit.

stuff n stuff

I've started packing up my stuff. Even though I don't know where I'm going to live when I get to Chicago. I figure if I get all packed up beforehand I'll have less work to do when the time comes. So far I've just packed my books and cd's, along with some of the random stuff I've accumulated over the years. I know it doesn't sound like I've packed much, but all that's really laft to pack is clothes and stuff involving the tv. (Dvd's dvd player, ps2 etc.) I think the next step will be pulling down the posters and such from the walls. Which I actually dread doing every time I move because some of them have goten pretty fragile over the years. For example, the Rancid poster I bought in 95 has ripped pretty bad, and my Reservoir Dogs poster has turned black and yellow instead of black and white.

I also have come to the realization that I will probably be spending a lot of time and money going to the movies when I go home, since all of the movies that are currently out that I want to see aren't playing here. And I'm sick of waiting for movies to come out on DVD so I can see them for the first time, it just lacks something on a 26" screen. Some of the grandeur and excitement is gone. Hell, going to the theater to se a movie I want to has gotten so rare I could almost walk out of a threater and not complain about a movie like "the Fantastic Four". In retrospect it almost seems like it was a good movie. Because I had overpriced popcorn and a coke.

If the Universe is constantly expanding, and God is truly omnipresent... does that mean the almighty is getting fat?

quote from me to you

Women are easy to understand.. if they're laughing.. you did something stupid. If they're crying you did something stupid, if they're bored.. it's time to do something stupid

I'm having hot flashes

For some reason my crappy little cinderblock walled apartment seems to be really warm all of a sudden. Last year at this time I had all of the vents closed, and was still freezing, this year I'm broiling. Damn Mano pause.

Hatred, Loathing, Puppies!!!

I know I have a tendency to discuss things that are bothering me, and spend very little time on the things that actually inspire me to get up in the morning.

Number one is Urination. There is no sensation on the planet as exquisite as pissing. If you don't believe me, don't do it for a day, then you'll understand. It is truly one of the few experiences that is universal to all human beings, although slight differations do exist between the genders. Even though it is so common, it is also a varied experience. One time you might have a quick little squirt, while the next you might be standing (or sitting) there for a good 2-3 minutes.

Number two is video games. I grew up on video games. In part because I was 10 years older than my brothers, my mom was too busy for board games, and my stepfather hasn't played monopoly since mom beet hin in '83. Which meant I had to find games I could play by myself. Add in some asthma and allergies and Double dribble was the best basketball game in town.

Number three is books. I tend to like anything that has a sense of humor to it. even authors I dislike can gain some begrudged accolades if they put in a touch of silliness. Shakespeare would be unreadable if it weren't for the comic interludes.

Number Four Is Typing out lists.

Number Five.. Is alive

Number six is referencing movies I have enjoyed, in part to allow those around me to go "OO, I remember that.. I should watch that again."

Number seven is Finding a new musician or band that completely blows my mind.

Number 8 is the knowledge that in two short years we will have the chance to elect a new president, possibly one with a conscience instead of a balance sheet.

Update on me

I just finished painting the first of two houses for my landlord.

My apartment no longer smells of mildewy carpet and poo.

I'm going to be in NY longer than I thought because I forgot about the 4th of July holiday cancelling a class.

I need to start looking for an apartment in Chicago. If anybody knows of a cheap one, let me know.

My cell phone company is messing with my mind. I don't get charged for roaming (theoretically) but the company just changed from displaying the name of whatever provider was providing the roaming service, I just get told I'm off network.

I just signed up for direct depoait with unemployment.

I have a butt. I tried to return it, but the lady behind the counter said they couldn't take it back because it was cracked. (I know it's bad, but eh, whatcha goa
n do?

Since I started trying to lose weight, I've gained 5 lbs.

Enough about me, tell me about you

Porn 1 Jesus 0

I am really enjoying my improv class. In part because the people in the class are beginning to loosen up around each other and we're not self censoring as much. There's still some self censorship going on, but it's decreasing. But today we were doing a "break in the routine" scene. (Basically the characters know each other, but something is missing from their normal routine, which becomes very important and hilarity ensues)

OUr scene was about porn.

Not my idea, honest. As we were batting around ideas fot what the routine could be the thought of movies popped up. Cool, group of friends oing to the movies. But what's missing.. the movie, what coupld take its place.. "PORN!!!" Says the almost innocent looking lady sitting to my left. "Why don't we just make it a porn in the first place" Says the less innocent, but stil demure woman sitting to my right. So the scene was going to be about porn. And the porn was going to be missing.

So two of us set up the scene, arrainging chairs, blankets (for privacy) soda (to avoid dehydration) Lotion (duh), and waited for the innocent looking woman to bring the porn. Instead she brought a bible. The demure woman became much less demure. I asked if the bible had a centerfold (I then returned the idea to Mr. Hicks unharmed), and used the phrase "Hairy bobbin' man ass", (because it was a special rent one get one free on Bill's jokes)

In the ensuing argument the following points were made for Jesus:
1) But.. He's our saviour


For porn, the following arguments were made:
1) But if we don't watch porn I might sleep with him (indicating me)
2) It's research for when we decide to "be fruitful and multiply"
3) You never get any new std's from your hand, so watching poprn might save one of our lives.
4) Jesus is now working with vivid video.
5) It's our routine.. sin on wed. Repent on Sun. If we don't sin on Wed. We have nothing to repent on sunday and therefore have no reason to attend services. Everybody knows that if you don't go to church on sunday you go to hell. Wed. porn is saving us from an eternity engulfed in flames and smelling of brimstone.

It was fun.

I'm ruined

Comedy has been ruined for me. I have been overexposed.
I no longer ever titter at somebody getting hit in the balls by a smal child.
If I see one more "porn star audition" skit, I'm gonna hurl.
I no longer think "hurl" is a funny euphamism for vomiting.
I have realized that a "showing people your penis" joke just isn't funny if the audience never sees the penis.
My favorite comedy writer is now G.W. Bush's speechwriter. (putting the phrase " “every American deserves to be treated with tolerance and respect and dignity.” in a speech condoning the changing of the constitution to further a bigoted religious agenda is a joke unmatched by any current stand up, news parody, or sitcom.
I'm beginning to lean away from quirky, light oddity in my musical tastes, focusing almost solely on anything with gravitas to it.
I was able to type "gravitas" without even thinking of how much it sounds like "Grab datt ass"
Sarte was wrong. Hell is poorly executed satire.
Does anybody even know the difference between parody and satire anymore?
My existential dread organ just beat up my sarcasm organ in a steel cage death match.

If the world stopped now.. instead of being scared about shifts in gravitational pull, teh extinction of species, and the forced migration of humanity to the edges of the neverending day/night... I know just hope to be someplace with soft walls (because of inertia)

meh

I have spent the last day reading web comics because of a moment of boredom while online. All thanks to my friend Jason. Whom I have come to view as a sort of pop culture filter, allowing him to witness the vast debacle that is reality and allowing only the glowing beauty to pass into my life.

Or I'm just too lazy and not interested enough to go out and hunt this stuff down on my own. Your call.

Free verse/ prose piece I forgot i had written.

I don’t understand it. A memory in my mind, intangible as the wisp of smoke from the end of a crumbling cigarette.
The transient state of existance as next becomes last and only now seems to last. An eternal second stretching impossibly with the weight of its own importance.
The vibration of life is imperceptable as each peak and trough cannot end, an entropic reality fighting against common sense.
Names evaporate from my tongue before they can be spoken, much less remembered. Each instance of thought a universe unto itself.
All of the knowledge in my brain has always been there, I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t, so it had to there, inherent in the design: two plus two, a lock of hair, just another in a chain of peptide bonded amino acids spiraling in upon itelf.
Was it a future stolen from me or a bleak present, a mediocre past, but they are all the same inseperable.
Déjà vu is the feeling that everything that has ever happened is actually occurring now.

Time and place for everything.

It has been said "There is never an appropriate time to objecify another human being".

This is bullshit. There are many times when it is perfectly acceptable to objectify someone. Like when your friend hooks you up with one of their "other half"'s friends on a blind date. You get to the restaurant that has been selected for you. They walk in.. POW!! your dream date, killer outfit and accessories that should be doing 5-10 for GBH. You begin to get aroused right then and there... Until they open thier mouths. and your sex organs crumble to dust in fear that you might actualy decide to go home with this boring, rude, husk of flesh lacking any and all social niceties. You go to the club after dinner hoping that you can get away from them and find somebody else. Anybody else. Or at least to have them buy you so many drinks they can never afford to go on another date. (also called taking one for the team)

Then your favorite song comes on. The one you can't help but boogie to. The song that puts pep in your step,a glide in your stride, and a dip in your hip.

There.. right there, that is when it is perfectly acceptable to say "fuck it, you're annoying eye-candy, but let's dance."

Happy Marraiges

Once again the red herring of Gay Marriage has been raised to radicalize, unify and mobilize the conservative base. Just in time for the election season to really get underway. Unfortunately this debate is a necessary part of our countries evolution toward a free society based on equality and mutual respect.
Let me clarify, when I say respect, I am not referring to the "Yes sir, of course sir, let me get my jackboots" fear that my old high school gym teachers mistook for respect. But the actual thing. Respecting peoples decisions to make choices we don't agree with, at least legally. Everyone has the right to be a homophobic, racist, misogynist. (Although you have to also be willing and able to defend those choices.) As long as those choices are protected by law, along with the rights of the people on the opposite side, we come closer to being a free country. However once those prejudices become written into law, we come closer to a fascist totalitarian state.

Back to gay marriage: The current debate is "make it legal" vs "constitutional amendment to protect traditional marraige" vs "who cares".

Vs me: Eradicate the use of the word marriage in legal documentation setting up a system whereby any two people who are not immediately related may join into a civil union allowing one to make legally binding decisions on behalf of the other if the other is incapacitated. (along with the tax deductions, etc. currently allowed by marriage)
Each person is only allowed to enter into one union at a time, with a minimum of three years between the dissolution of one union and entering into another. Unless the union is dissolved by the death of one of the members.

This eliminates all of the problems both sides of the issue have with the other persons side except for the choice of who the union is between.

6/6/06

A day of evil, and I slept, read and checked my e-mail. I must be getting old. I should have been out laughing at the people who think the world is ending.

Just a question

Why do people want their government to make moral choices for them?

For better or whatever

So lately I've been thinking a lot about weddings. the money spent, the gathering of families, the honeymoon, reception, Secular or religious ceremony, Which church, Can I afford a ring? Rice or bird seed? Should we take it out of the bag first? Who pays for the garters? Can we do a weeding without flowers? Is there a way I can trick her into buying the ring instead? What would Jesus do?

That was the one that got me. What would Jesus do?

Stay a bachelor and tramp around with his 12 friends and a whore. That's what Jesus would do.

Title

I have no clue where I'm moving, but I've started packing anyway. Just tthe stuff I don't need everyday, like books and what little of Serwahs stuff I have here. But I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel that is my stay in Macomb Il. Now all that's left is to find an apartment in Chicago I can afford, so far the closest I've come is 500+ Electric. Which might leave me enough for food and gas if I'm careful as my income from unemployment is two checks a month for just under $600. I'm contemplating getting rid of my car so I don't have that bill as well, and if I buy a new bike I'll also be able to get a little bit of a workout as long as I don't have to transport anything that won't fit in a backpack. Out here a bike will probably serve me until at least mid-october, which will give me time to find work that will pay enough to get a car again. Maybe I'll get used to the idea of public transportaion before long, but it's something I've never had to rely on, so it will be a transition regardless of how I choose to overcome that particular obstacle.

feels soooo good.

I started painting one of my landlords other houses today. I got about 2/3 of the way done minus windows. I had originaly planned on taking three days to paint this particular house, but I might be done tomorrow if it goes as well as today did. But I will say it definately felt good to put in an honest days work instead of spending the day driving around selling stuff.

My apartment still smells like ass.

Damn The Cast Iron Cootch

At first I thought the rug in my apartment would be ok.. I rented a carpet cleaner to suck out all of the water, leaving it only mildly damp.. which is as good as you can get without hitting the whole carpet with a hair dryer. So I let it fully dry out which in theory should have ended the problem. But yesterday it started to smell, so I shampooed the carpet, which made sense to me. Carpet smells and has a bit of mildew... clean it. But now the carpet seems to be mildewing worse anyway and there's nothing I can do about it. So I'm stuck with my overactive allergies and a headache from too much mildew and Dean Koontz. Who I will most likely never read again, but I feel bad whenever I don't finish a book.